Smiling but We're Close to Tears
by xxdare2dreamxx1
Summary: What went down between Puck and Quinn during the summer of no return. I do not own Glee or any of it's characters.
1. Coming Home

It was a rainy Monday morning as Quinn exited through the main doors of the hospital. Her mother had pulled the car up so she wouldn't have to walk far, even after she had insisted that her legs were working fine. Quinn yanked open the door to the passenger seat, and slid inside quickly to get out of the rain. Too quickly.

"Ahh!" She cried out in pain.

"Oh, careful sweetheart," Judy Fabray said in a tone so sweet, it made Quinn sick to her stomach. "Healing takes time." Quinn forced herself to remain silent, afraid of what words might come out of her mouth. She clenched her teeth and carefully situated herself on the seat, as comfortably as she could. Her mother reached to help with her seatbelt.

"I got it," Quinn said shortly, pushing the older woman's hand away. "I'm not a child." Mrs. Fabray stiffened as the truth of Quinn's words hung in the air. Silently, she navigated out of the parking lot.

"I've arranged for your things to be brought home from Mercedes' house," she said after a few moments in her usual, cheery voice. Quinn nodded in vague response, keeping her gaze fixed on the passing scenery.

"Oh, and I spoke to your principal this morning," she added. "He said to take as much time as you need, but I told him you'd probably be back in a few days, don't you think?"

"Sure, mom," Quinn said absently.

"And he told me that Rachel Berry has already offered to bring you your assignments," she continued. "Isn't that nice?" Quinn rolled her eyes. She let her head fall lightly against the headrest and wondered what sort of twisted satisfaction Rachel got out of being nice to her. She supposed the girl probably enjoyed seeing her at her weakest. Admittedly, she couldn't blame her.

"So how about chicken for lunch?" her mother asked as they neared the Fabray residence. Quinn marveled at her mother's ability to pretend that everything was peachy keen, though she shouldn't have been surprised. And if she was being honest, it was almost a comfort. She needed things to go back to normal, and she didn't want to talk, or even think about everything that had happened.

"I'm not really hungry," Quinn said as they pulled into the driveway. "I think i'm just going to shower and then get some sleep."

"Alright," Mrs. Fabray conceded, stepping out of the car. "Let me know when you do get hungry, I can make you something." Quinn stood like a statue next to the car, staring up at the house she hadn't set foot in in nearly six months.

"Come on sweetheart," her mother called from the front door a few moments later. Slowly, Quinn started on the front path. She took a deep breath, trying to keep the memories from the last time she was here out of her mind. Finally, she reached the doorway and stepped inside. Looking around, Quinn noticed that most everything was exactly how she remembered it, except that her father's shoes were no longer by the door, and no trace of his cologne lingered in the air. She wondered how long ago he had left, but she didn't ask. She heard the familiar sound of her mother pouring herself a drink in the kitchen. Some things would never change.

Quinn slowly made her way up the stairs and down the hall toward her bedroom. Upon stepping inside, she was surprised to find it virtually untouched. The bed was still made up with her pink comforter, pillows, and stuffed animals. Her cheerleading trophies still lined the top of her dresser. Quinn took small comfort in the fact that she apparently wasn't meant to be forgotten.

As inviting as her comfortable bed looked, Quinn forced herself to head towards the bathroom before giving herself a chance to collapse onto it. She knew she would be much more comfortable once she was cleaned up. She started the water in the shower, then began to remove the t-shirt and her old cheerio sweat pants that her mother had brought to the hospital for her. Quinn cringed as she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Slipping into the shower, she made a mental note to get back to her morning runs as soon as she was able.

She closed her eyes and let the warm water wash over her, and it felt like such a relief after a few very trying days. Not to mention the fact that she hadn't showered the whole time she was in the hospital, so by all definitions she was pretty gross. Opening her eyes a few moments later, she caught a glimpse of bright red on the floor of the tub and gasped. There was blood. A lot of blood. Even though the doctor had told her what to expect, she couldn't help but feel uneasy at the sight. And even as she stood underneath the warm water, she shivered and shook, and her breathing became shallow. It was like everything that had happened was hitting her all at once. Then the tears started.

So many times in the past few days, Quinn had wanted desperately to cry her eyes out. When she held her baby for the first time. When she saw the look on Puck's face. When the nurses took her away, out of her arms forever. When she stood next to Puck, watching her sleep through the glass. When she heard his words... But she hadn't let herself cry. She couldn't. Crying would have been a red flag, a sign that maybe what she was about to do wasn't the right thing to do. But it was for the best, wasn't it? Quinn had convinced herself of that, but in that moment, she didn't know anymore. All she could feel was the pain of loss, and it hurt like hell. So she let herself cry, alone in her bathroom where no one would see her tears.


	2. Rachel Berry

Chapter 2

Quinn awoke with a start at the sound of her cell phone buzzing on her nightstand. In a sleepy haze, it took her a second to realize where she was. But as her hand brushed across her now substantially flatter stomach, everything came rushing back. It felt strange not to be pregnant anymore. Just as it felt strange to be back in her old bedroom.

She wasn't going to cry, she had done enough of that for one day. She doesn't even know how long she stood in the shower sobbing. She remembers the water going cold, and her legs beginning to feel like jelly. She remembers drying off, running a comb through her wet, tangled hair, putting on some old sweat pants and a t-shirt she must have left behind when she moved out. And absently wondering when Mercedes would be bringing her belongings over. And somehow she had made it to her bed. Sleep seemed like the only escape. The only way she could temporarily forget everything. And it was easier to forget.

Her cell phone buzzed again. Quinn reached for it and looked at the display, to find that she had two new messages, both from Puck. _How r u feeling_, the first one read. And the second asked, _Want me to come over? _Quinn couldn't help but smile. In this dark cave of pain and emptiness she felt she was trapped in, Puck was Quinn's only light. Her only reason to smile and hope and believe that maybe some day, she'd be okay-for real. She began to type a reply. _You're in school, remember? ;) And i'm fine. Tired and sore, but ok. _

A moment later she got a response. _So? School is for suckers, remember? Fine, i'm coming over later. And i'm bringing ice cream. _Quinn smiled. She remembered the countless nights she had woken up at his house with an intense craving, usually for ice cream, and Puck grumbling as he pulled on his sweatpants and headed out the door. It almost felt like old times. Almost... Quinn felt the tears welling up again. The sadness seemed to hit her in waves. She either felt every emotion all at once, or nothing at all. And she hated the lack of control.

Hugging her little lamb stuffed animal to her chest for comfort, Quinn slid back down under the covers. It was better not to feel anything at all, she decided. She was pretty sure that if she could, she would sleep forever. But it didn't come as easily this time. She tried to comfort herself with the knowledge that Puck would be over later, but even that didn't seem to help. Deep down Quinn knew he loved her, but there was this constant doubt that she was always trying to suppress. She was waiting for the day that he'd stop texting to check up on her. The day he'd realize that she was no longer carrying his child. That he was no longer obligated to care about her.

So she cried again, praying silently that sleep would hit her so she could stop thinking, stop feeling, stop existing for a moment. Just as her eyes were finally closing, she was startled by a knock on her bedroom door.

"Still not hungry, mom," Quinn said in sleepy frustration.

"It's Rachel Berry," came the voice from the other side of the door. "I have your assignments." Quinn glanced at the clock on her nightstand, finding to her surprise that it was just after 3:00. She sighed in frustration. The last thing she wanted was for Rachel to see her like this.

"Come in," Quinn said hesitantly, figuring she didn't have much of a choice. She heard the door open, and saw Rachel step inside slowly, clutching a few of Quinn's text books against her chest. She was smiling brightly as usual.

"Your mother said I could go right up." Rachel's smile started to fade slightly as her eyes fell upon Quinn, now sitting up in her bed. It was obvious she had been crying. Rachel couldn't help but pity the poor girl, no matter what she'd done to her in the past. A fleeting wave of jealousy hit Rachel as she noticed that even with no make-up on, eyes red, hair askew, Quinn still managed to look pretty. She wasn't jealous of her situation though, of course. Rachel stood in awkward silence, not sure what to say.

"You can put the books there," Quinn said, motioning toward the desk against the wall closest to Rachel. Rachel did as she was told. "Thanks for bringing them."

"No problem," Rachel said, offering Quinn a small smile. She stood awkwardly near the foot of Quinn's bed. "H-how are you feeling?" she asked cautiously.

"I'm okay," Quinn said with a slight shrug of her shoulders.

"We miss you at school," Rachel said, almost shyly. "And Glee club. We're working on a special number for Mr. Shue. A 'thank you' for everything he's done for us this year." Quinn watched the brunette's face fall just slightly. Puck had told her in the hospital that they lost Regionals to Vocal Adrenaline, which she knew meant that Glee club was over. Rachel looked sad, and Quinn couldn't blame her. She knew that Glee meant the world to the girl. She wondered if Rachel, or anyone for that matter, knew how much it meant to her.

"Sounds great," Quinn said, trying her best to sound enthusiastic. "I'll be back in a couple days."

"Good," Rachel said sincerely. After a few moments, she turned toward the door. "I should probably go, let you rest." She took a few paces toward the door, then stopped. "Quinn?" she said, turning back to face the blonde.

"Yeah?" Quinn said raising an eyebrow. Rachel looked nervous.

"I.. I just wanted to tell you that..." she hesitated. Looking Quinn straight in the eyes, she finished with, "I think you're really brave." Quinn frowned slightly, a bit confused. Then her expression softened as she noticed Rachel was starting to get a little emotional. "What you did," she continued. "I can't even begin to imagine how difficult that must have been. How difficult it probably still is."

Quinn swallowed hard, unable to speak. She fought hard to repress the tears that were forming in her eyes. She was not about to cry in front of Rachel Berry.

Rachel looked to the floor, afraid she had been too bold. Cautiously, she continued. "On behalf of the Glee club, I just wanted to say that even though Glee is ending, we'll still be there for you." She looked up at Quinn again as she added, "All of us." A single tear fell down Quinn's cheek, and she looked away from Rachel, embarrassed. She still didn't say anything.

"I'll go now," Rachel said apologetically, feeling guilty that she had made the girl cry.

"Wait," Quinn said as Rachel reached the doorway. The brunette turned back to face her. "Thanks, Rachel," she whispered, with sincerity in her watery eyes.

"You're welcome, Quinn," Rachel replied, with a final sympathetic smile. And with that, she was gone.


	3. Ice Cream

Chapter 3

"Peanut butter cups and cookie dough?"

It was around eight that night and Puck stood next to Quinn's bed, a Dairy Queen blizzard in each hand.

"Would I dare bring you anything else?" he said with a chuckle.

"I've trained you well," Quinn said as she reached for the ice cream.

"What's the magic word?" Puck teased.

"I'm not going to repay you in sexual favors, just for some ice cream." She rolled her eyes.

"I meant 'please'," Puck said innocently.

"Sure," she said sarcastically. She reached for the ice cream again, but he moved it just out of her reach.

"Damnit Puck, give it to me!" Quinn pleaded. "I haven't eaten all day, i'm starved!"

"Well, since you asked so nicely." He handed her the ice cream and flashed her a cheesy grin. Quinn just shook her head, taking the blizzard in her hand. She couldn't prevent a smile from spreading across her face.

That's what Puck was waiting for. He liked to give Quinn a hard time, not because it made her angry, but because she knew that was a way he showed his love. He knew exactly how to take her mind off of her troubles. Somehow he could always find a way to make her smile.

"Sit," Quinn offered, patting the spot on the bed next to her. She scooted over to one side to make room.

"I remember this bed," Puck joked, as he plopped down next to her. "Good times." Quinn rolled her eyes.

"Do you think about anything else?"

"Yes," Puck said defensively.

"Like?"

"You." They locked eyes. Quinn smiled, then looked away, blushing. "How's the ice cream?" Puck asked after a moment, breaking the awkward silence.

"Delicious," Quinn said, taking another bite. "Thanks for bringing it. And, for coming over." She flashed him a grateful smile. Puck nodded. They sat in silence as they finished their ice cream, and all the while Puck couldn't take his eyes off of her. He still couldn't quite wrap his mind around everything that had happened, and a part of him felt unsure about what was decided, but at least he still had Quinn. They'd get through this thing together, he was sure of it.

"What?" Quinn questioned, catching him staring at her. He loved that she didn't bother to fix her hair or put on make-up for him. To Puck, she always looked gorgeous.

"You're pretty," he said with a shrug. She smiled shyly.

After setting the empty containers of ice cream on her nightstand, Quinn moved a little closer to Puck and settled against his side. She rested her head on his shoulder and reached for his hand, lacing her fingers in between his. She let out a small sigh of contentment.

"You must be tired," Puck assumed.

"Yeah," Quinn said with a yawn. "Even though I slept a good part of the day."

"I don't blame you, it looked like a pretty exhausting event," Puck joked. "You're pretty badass you know, that was some serious shit." Quinn watched Puck's expression turn to a grimace at the memories.

"Thanks, I guess," She said with a laugh.

As they lay still, Quinn felt sleep start to creep up on her. Thoughts of uncertainty and regret were always tugging at the corners of her mind, but for the first time since coming home from the hospital, she finally felt at ease. "Can't we just stay like this forever?"

"Works for me babe," Puck said easily. "But I don't think your mom would dig this little setup we've got going."

"Not that I care what she thinks," Quinn stated, "but I'm pretty sure she knows I've learned my lesson."

"And what lesson would that be?" Puck said with a sly smile, pretending he had no idea to what she was referring.

"Never trust a guy with a mohawk," Quinn said casually, looking up at his face. He frowned, and she bit her bottom lip, trying to hold back a grin.

"You know you like it," he said with a smirk. He was right, of course. Quinn reached up and playfully rubbed his hair with her closed fist.

"How do you like it?" Puck taunted, ruffling Quinn's golden locks.

"Hey!"

"Sorry princess, did I mess up your mane?" Puck teased. Pretending to be angry, Quinn shot him a glare. But she could only hold a sour expression for a few seconds, before softening into a smile.

Quinn couldn't believe just how much she was smiling and laughing, when just a few hours ago she had been sobbing hysterically. She wished she could freeze this moment and never let it go. Quinn knew things would be difficult, but knowing Puck would fight through this with her was a huge comfort. As they drifted off to sleep, Quinn caught herself thinking that maybe, some day, she might just be okay.


	4. I don't need therapy

**Hey guys, so sorry for the delay! Thank you so much to those of you who stick with the story, and to those who review! It really means a lot. Hopefully the updates will be more frequent now that I have a bit more time on my hands. **

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Chapter 4

Quinn looked up from her cereal as her mother hurriedly entered the kitchen.

"You're up early, sweetie," she said absently as she poured some of the coffee Quinn had made into a stainless steel thermos.

"I'm going back to school today, remember?" Quinn said, trying not to sound annoyed. She had informed her mother of this a handful of times over the past few days.

"Oh, that's right," Judy said apologetically. "I'd sit down and eat with you but i'm running so late and-"

"Don't worry about it, mom," Quinn interjected. "Just get to work." She looked up at her mother and smiled. The past few days had been difficult for Quinn, having to adjust to this old but new living arrangement. But that particular morning she was in a pretty decent mood, and she wasn't about to let anything dampen her spirits. Quinn was anxious to get back to school to see her friends, but most of all to get out of the house and away from her well-meaning yet always overbearing mother.

"Before I forget," Judy said suddenly, interrupting Quinn's thoughts. "I need you to pick up your sister from the airport tomorrow." Quinn nearly choked on her cereal.

"Jane?" she said dumbly.

"Do you have another sister?" Judy questioned, cocking an eyebrow at her daughter.

"No," Quinn said plainly, not allowing herself to roll her eyes at the stupidity of this question. "It's just that, she hasn't been home in years." A look of bewilderment crossed her face. "Why now?"

"She just wants to visit," Judy said with a shrug. Quinn's face turned to a frown. She knew there had to be something more to this. There always was with Jane. Her sister had unfailingly been quite perfect in the eyes of their parents, and Quinn always seemed to fall short. Jane was now living her perfect life with her perfect husband in Colorado, while Quinn, stuck in Lima, had just become a teenage mom. It wouldn't surprise Quinn one bit if Jane's sole purpose for returning home was to shove that reality in her face.

"So, you'll pick her up?" Judy asked. "Her flight gets in at four, and I finally got a hair appointment scheduled for tomorrow with Theresa at that salon in Dayton I really like..." Annoyed, Quinn tuned out the rest of her mother's lame excuse, absently casting a thought to how ridiculous it was for her to drive over an hour just to get her hair done. "Quinn?"

"Yeah mom, i'll pick her up," Quinn conceded, returning from her thoughts.

"Great!" Judy said with a bright smile.

"I'll get Puck to go with me," Quinn added, smiling innocently. She saw her mother's smile falter slightly.

"Great," she repeated, much less enthusiastically.

Quinn barely noticed her mother leave through the back door a few moments later and call out, "Have a good day at school, Quinnie!" She was too busy fuming over the "coincidence" that her sister had chosen this particular moment in time to come for a visit, as well as the fact that she would have to drive 30 minutes each way to pick her up and miss part of Glee rehearsal. Sighing heavily, Quinn gathered her school books and car keys and prepared to head out the door. So much for her good mood.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Quinn forced herself to put on a happy face as she entered McKinley high that morning, pushing aside thoughts of her sister's untimely return. She made her way down the familiar hallway toward her locker. A few curious glances were cast in her direction, but for the most part, no one seemed to really notice her. Just as she started to wonder if anyone had actually missed her, Quinn heard a familiar voice call out from down the hall. She turned her head to see a Latina in a Cheerios uniform coming towards her, all smiles.

"Looking pretty good there tubbers," Santana joked as she neared Quinn.

"Nice to see you too, Santana," Quinn said with a chuckle.

"Come here." Santana enveloped her friend in a tight hug. "Are you doing okay?" She asked seriously as she pulled away. Quinn nodded.

"I'm okay," she said with a sad smile. Her smile brightened as she felt two arms wrap around her from behind and squeeze her tightly.

"Hi Britt," Quinn said knowingly. Wherever Santana was, Brittany could never be far.

"How did you know it was me?" Brittany asked, shocked. She let go of Quinn and automatically gravitated to Santana's side.

"Lucky guess," Quinn said with a shrug, humoring the girl.

"Glad you're back," Brittany said with a grin. "We've missed you in Glee. Did you hear about the surprise for Mr. Shue?" Quinn nodded.

"Rachel told me about it." Santana raised an eyebrow.

"Since when do you have conversations with Berry? I mean, other than the ones where you're telling her she sucks."

"Rachel's...not so bad," Quinn said slowly, remembering the kind words the tiny brunette had offered her a few days before. That wasn't the only time she had received kindness from the girl, Quinn thought. And most of the time she didn't deserve it...

"You're going soft, Q," Santana said in mock disapproval. "And you can't even blame this lunacy on your baby hormones this time." She smirked at Quinn, who just shrugged and laughed along. Deep down, she couldn't help but wonder exactly why it was that she and her friends had always been so mean to Rachel. Why she had always made it her personal mission to make Rachel's life suck. Well, she knew why... She had her reasons, but that didn't make it right.

Quinn noticed Santana's gaze focus on something over her shoulder, so she turned her head to see.

"And this is where we leave you," she heard Santana say as she spotted Puck coming towards them.

"Aw, look at his face," Brittany cooed.

"He's got it bad for you, Q," Santana added. "So freaking charming." Quinn smiled as her eyes met Puck's. "Damn, I wish someone would look at me like that," Santana said with a pout. She didn't notice the hurt in Brittany's eyes...eyes that couldn't stop staring at her this entire conversation. "We'll see you at lunch, Q," Santana said, touching Quinn's arm and then turning to leave, a slightly somber Brittany in tow.

"Hey baby," Puck said as he reached Quinn. She felt a twinge of pain in her chest at the use of that particular pet name. She held back a wince, hoping he didn't notice. "It's really good you're back, Glee club is boring as hell without you." He paused, and then added, "Plus, I just miss you." He couldn't keep a silly grin from spreading across his face.

"Miss you too," Quinn said, gazing into those warm, brown eyes. "It's good to be back."

"Walk you to class?" Puck asked. Quinn nodded and smiled, linking her arm around his as they headed down the hallway.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

"I really appreciate your concern," Quinn said politely. "But I don't need therapy." She sat nervously in Ms. Pillsbury's office that day after school.

"Don't think of it that way," the ginger quickly corrected. "I'm just someone who cares a lot about you, Quinn, and i've asked you here today to... give you some tips."

"Tips for what?" Quinn asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Well, for coping with...your situation," Ms. Pillsbury said gently.

"I'm okay, really." Quinn hoped she sounded more convincing than she felt. If she was being honest, she wasn't really sure if she was okay. But she certainly didn't want Ms. Pillsbury, or anyone for that matter, to know that. She studied the woman's face, searching for traces of disbelief.

"That's great," Ms. Pillsbury said with a smile. "But I think there are some things you should be aware of." She paused, and then with no further objection from Quinn, she continued. "You've probably heard of something called Postpartum Depression." Quinn felt her breath catch in her throat. She nodded slowly. "I don't want to scare you," she continued. "But PPD is a very real thing, and it tends to be more common in teenage pregnancy, as well as cases of adoption..." Quinn shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

"I-I'm not depressed," Quinn said, looking to the floor. Ms. Pillsbury looked at the girl with sympathetic eyes.

"Quinn, you've been through a lot this year," Ms. Pillsbury said gently. "It's okay to not always be...okay." Quinn looked up at the guidance counselor with watery eyes, and was met with a sympathetic smile. But she needed to be okay, she thought, taking a deep breath. And how was she supposed to get over this if people kept bringing it up?

"I'm sorry Ms. Pillsbury," Quinn said suddenly. "I-I have to go, I'm late for Glee rehearsal." She stood from her chair.

"Okay," Ms. Pillsbury said with a nod, not wanting to push the girl. "But will you take this?" She held a pamphlet out to the girl. Hesitantly Quinn took the little booklet, which said _Postpartum Depression_ in big black letters and had a picture of a young mother with her newborn baby. She swallowed the lump in her throat. "It lists some of the most common symptoms. Just some good information to have."

"Thanks," Quinn said quietly. As she turned to leave, Ms. Pillsbury stopped her.

"Quinn?" She turned back to face the counselor. "You don't have to go through this alone." Quinn felt a tear escape down her cheek. "You have friends that care a lot about you. Let them be there for you. And I'm always here if you ever want to talk." She smiled warmly at Quinn, though her heart was breaking for the girl. Quinn nodded, offering her a grateful smile, and then turned to leave.


	5. Jane

**Hey guys, so sorry the updates have been slow! I've just been busy. :( Thank you so much to everyone who continues to read and review. I'm excited to continue writing, as some drama will definitely start to unfold. For now, I hope you enjoy this chapter. :) **

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Chapter 5

"You drive like a girl."

"Do not."

"Do too." She shot him a glare, then quickly turned her eyes back to the road. "Fine," he conceded. "You drive like an old man."

"I hate you," Quinn said half-heartedly. Puck could tell her thoughts were preoccupied.

"What's bugging you?"

"Nothing."

"Bullshit," Puck said immediately. "I'm not Finn, I won't believe every word you say. I can tell when something's bothering you." Quinn blinked at Puck. He had a point. The truth was, many things were bothering her.

"It's my sister," she admitted, relinquishing the most prominent reason for her distress.

"The chick we're picking up right now? Jen?"

"Jane," Quinn corrected.

"What about her?"

"You wouldn't get it," Quinn said with a sigh.

"I have a sister," Puck reminded her. Quinn smiled at the mention of Sarah. While staying at Puck's house, she had grown very fond of the little girl, and she knew Sarah looked up to her like a big sister.

"You're a guy though, it's not the same," she explained. "My parents always thought of me as a miniature version of Janie, only I could never quite live up to her in their eyes." Puck saw Quinn's face fall just slightly. She looked distant, like she was lost in her memories. "She was head cheerleader, all four years. She was the most popular girl in school, student body president, valedictorian... She dated the star quarterback, and now they're happily married in Denver." Quinn clenched her teeth, inhaling a deep breath through her nose. "And then there's me. The failure." The last few words came out as only a whisper.

"Who cares about all of that stuff?" Puck said sincerely. He couldn't believe Quinn felt that way about herself. To him she was perfect; his dream girl. She was his whole world.

"I do," Quinn admitted.

"Well you know what? I don't. I don't care if you flunk out of school, or cut off all of your hair, or get slushied in the face every day. I'll be right there to clean you off, right after I pummel the dude who thinks my girl's a loser. And you know what else? Jenny can go suck it. I bet she's ugly anyway." By now Quinn was laughing, and her smile lit up Puck's world.

"She's not," Quinn said, trying to fight off the fit of laughter that resulted from Puck's ridiculous speech. "She's really pretty."

"Not as pretty as you."

"Prettier."

"No way." Puck said matter-of-factly. "What does she look like?"

"Well, like me," Quinn said, frowning as she pictured her sister in her head. "Except she has blue eyes, she's a little bit taller, a little bit skinnier, and her hair is just a little bit blonder." She sighed.

"Sounds like a freaking Barbie doll," Puck said in disgust. "Whatever, I know for a fact she's not prettier than you."

"You haven't even seen her."

"So?" Puck said with a shrug. "No one's more beautiful than my girl." Quinn smiled shyly, blushing.

"Just wait," she said with a chuckle.

Arriving at the airport, Quinn parked the car and they both headed inside to wait for Jane's plane to land.

"Puck?" Quinn said as they stood waiting near the baggage claim.

"Yeah?"

"Have you noticed anyone acting kind of weird around us in Glee club lately? Whispering and stuff."

"No. Like who?"

"Like everyone," Quinn replied, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "Well, except Rachel. But she's never in the loop anyway."

"Babe they're probably just jealous of us," he said with a shrug. "Of what we have." He took her hand and laced his fingers through hers.

"Yeah, maybe," Quinn conceded. She was still a bit skeptical, but she forgot her worry as she felt the warmth of his strong hand.

"Hey, do you want a soda?" Puck asked a few minutes later, gesturing toward the concession stand across the lobby.

"Sure," Quinn said with a nod. "Diet!" she called after he had started walking away. Glancing at her cell phone to check the time, Quinn noticed that Jane's flight must have been running behind schedule. She folded her arms across her chest, beginning to grow impatient.

A few moments later, she heard someone call out her name. She spun around to find her sister approaching her, toting two large bags on wheels and a small handbag. Absently, Quinn wondered exactly how long she was planning to stay.

"Oh Quinnie!" Jane said as she reached Quinn. She dropped her bags and threw her arms around her sister. Quinn stood awkwardly for a moment, before wrapping her arms lightly around Jane.

"You look great, Janie," Quinn said politely. Puck was now back at her side holding two sodas. Noticing that his jaw was practically on the floor, Quinn shot him a glare out of the corner of her eye.

"So do you!" Jane said brightly. "Looks like you've got a little bit of that baby weight lingering, but don't worry sweetie these things take time." Quinn glanced down at her belly and frowned, then plastered a smile on her face as she looked back up at her sister. Jane always had a way of sneaking criticism into her compliments, and it drove Quinn absolutely crazy.

"Oh good, you've found someone to carry my bags," Jane said, noticing Puck for the first time.

"Oh no, this is-"

"The baby daddy," Puck interjected.

"Puck," Quinn finished, staring daggers at him.

"I see," Jane said, raising her eyebrows. "It's nice to meet you...Puck," she said tentatively. "You brought me a drink?" Puck glanced down at the soda in his hand.

"Oh, yeah sure," he said handing her a soda. He offered the other one to Quinn, while trying to sneak glances at Jane. Quinn glared at him as she ripped the drink from his grip.

"Well come on," Jane said urgently. "I can't wait to get home and see what mom's done with the house." Quinn rolled her eyes as Jane started walking towards the door, leaving her bags for Puck to carry.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Later that night, Puck lounged on his couch at home flicking through the channels. His little sister, Sarah, sat on the floor, working on her homework at the coffee table.

"Can you help me?" Sarah asked.

"Sure small fry, watcha got?"

"Math," she replied. Puck made a face. He hated math. Sarah handed him the paper. "Which part?"

"All of it. I don't understand." Puck looked it over, wondering if he would understand. What the hell was a rhombus again?

Just then he heard his cell phone buzz on the couch next to him and picked it up. _New message from Q-Fab_, the screen read_. _He opened it.

_ What are you doing?_

_Babysitting the squirt_, _why what's up? _He typed back.

_ Had to get out of the house. Can I come over?_

_ Of course. _

_ Ok good, i'm in your driveway. _

"Sarah, guess who's here?" Puck said, getting up to open the door.

"Who?"

"I hired you a math tutor." Confused, Sarah followed her brother into the foyer. He swung the front door open to reveal Quinn, standing on the porch. She offered them a weak smile.

"Quinn!" Sarah shouted. She practically lunged at Quinn as she stepped through the doorway, wrapping her arms tightly around her waist.

"How's it going Sar-bear?" Quinn asked, smiling down at the little girl. Hugs from Sarah could always cheer her up. "I don't understand my homework," she said with a pout. She started toward the family room, leaving Puck and Quinn in the foyer. "Puck doesn't get it either," she called from the other room. Puck frowned as Quinn giggled.

"I can help with that," Quinn offered.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Puck asked, catching Quinn's arm as she walked past him. He could tell something was bothering her.

"After the homework's done," she said with a nod. "Meet me in the kitchen."


	6. Shelby

**Hey everyone, sorry this chapter is coming later than I had anticipated. If i had my way, i'd write fanfic all day every day, but alas I do have other obligations. :( Thanks again for reading and reviewing, and i hope you enjoy this chapter! **

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Chapter 6

"So, of course Jane spent most of dinner telling mom about her fabulous life," Quinn said, rolling her eyes. She stood next to Puck at the kitchen counter, pouring ingredients into a large mixing bowl. "Which was fine. I was annoyed of course, but I just sat there politely eating my salad... But then..." she trailed off. "They started talking about the baby," she said quietly. "Right in front of me as if I wasn't even there." She saw Puck's expression turn to an angry frown.

"What did they say?"

"Well, my mom mentioned to Jane that she had offered to turn the guest room into a nursery, but that I had declined." She paused, frowning. "And then Jane just sort of went off. She was practically yelling at me, going on and on about how awful it was for me to let her get put into the system." Her eyes filled with tears. "She said if I really loved her, I would have kept her." Quinn closed her eyes as the tears began to fall.

"That bitch!" Puck said, infuriated. "What's her damage?"

"I don't know," Quinn said, shaking her head. She swiped at the tears with the back of her hand. "Jane has never really been supportive or loving like I always thought an older sister should be... and I'm used to that." She sniffled, as a look of confusion crossed her face. "I just didn't think after all these years that she would come back and be _that _mean, especially about this. She was almost spiteful, like I had done something to personally offend her. Well, i'm sorry if my life isn't as perfect as yours." She rolled her eyes.

"I can't believe this," Puck fumed. "Want me to wreck up that pretty little face?"

"Tempting, but no," Quinn said, feeling a little bit better knowing that Puck had her back. "I just don't get it... She doesn't have kids, I don't think she even likes them. Why did this upset her so much? She couldn't possibly understand what I'm going through."

"I understand," Puck said softly. With watery eyes, Quinn looked into Puck's. They were warm and inviting, as they always were, only for her. And he was the only one who could even begin to know how she was feeling. She was so grateful to have him on her side.

"I know," Quinn whispered. He held out his arms and she fell gratefully into his embrace. They stood locked in each other's arms for what seemed like hours, and Quinn never wanted to let go.

"Kiss! Kiss!" a small voice chanted. Quinn turned, still in Puck's arms, to see Sarah standing in the doorway of the kitchen, and she couldn't help but smile.

"Mind your own business short stuff," Puck said, annoyed.

"Why are you baking cookies?" Sarah asked, noticing the ingredients sitting on the counter.

"Yeah, why are we baking cookies?" Puck mimicked.

"Do we need a reason to bake cookies?" Quinn said with a smirk.

"Can I help?" Sarah asked.

"No," Puck said plainly, frustrated with his sister for killing the moment.

"Of course," Quinn replied. "Can you find the chocolate chips?" Sarah bounded toward the pantry. "Baking relaxes me," Quinn said to Puck, helping Sarah add the chocolate chips to the mix. "Helps me take my mind off things."

"I'm gonna go watch TV," Sarah announced, already bored with baking.

"Remember the last time we baked together?" Puck said playfully, moving in closer.

"How could I forget?" Quinn said with a laugh. She looked up at him and smiled. He was lost in thought, lost in the memory of that day last year. Maybe it was stupid of him, but he considered it one of the best days of his life. It was the first time Quinn looked at him like he was more than just a useless waste of space. The first time he made her smile. And that laugh... Just remembering it made his heart flutter. He frowned as he recalled Finn walking in at just the wrong moment...

"Don't get any ideas," Quinn warned, seeing Puck eye the canister of sugar.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Puck said throwing his hands up innocently. After watching Puck for a second to make sure he wasn't going to try anything, she turned back to the cookie batter.

"Quinn?" Puck said, standing over her shoulder.

"What?" Quinn said looking up from her work.

"Got a little something right here," he said, gently wiping a bit of flour off her cheek with his thumb. Their eyes locked and she smiled shyly.

"I guess this is kind of like last time," Puck said shrugging his shoulders slightly.

"Not quite," Quinn said, leaning in to kiss him.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Quinn sat alone in the back row of the choir room the next day after school, waiting for Glee rehearsal to start. Everyone else was filing into the room, and Rachel stood near the piano, talking to Brad about the piece they were rehearsing.

"Hey girlfriend," Mercedes said, climbing the stairs to the back row. "Where's Puck?" Quinn smiled. Everyone had grown accustomed to the two of them always being together, and she liked that.

"He's not coming to rehearsal today," Quinn replied. "He wouldn't tell me what, but he and Mr. Shue are apparently working on something together. He said it's a surprise." She shrugged her shoulders, as Mercedes looked at her curiously.

"Ok everyone!" Rachel said loudly from the front of the room. Naturally she had taken charge of the surprise number for Mr. Shue, and she clearly very much enjoyed doing so. "Let's get started!"

Quinn tried to focus on what Rachel what saying, but she couldn't help but notice Santana whispering something into Kurt's ear across the room. Santana never talked to Kurt, so why was she now? This wasn't the first time she'd caught someone being sneaky in rehearsal lately, and it was beginning to bother her. Were they talking about her? Her suspicion was confirmed when she saw Kurt cast a glance in her direction after Santana had whispered to him. This was the last straw.

"Ok hold on a second!" Quinn said loudly, getting up out of her chair.

"Quinn?" said a shocked Rachel. "Is something wrong?"

"Yes, something is wrong," Quinn answered. "I want to know what everyone is whispering about, and I want to know now." She folded her arms across her chest. Everyone just looked at each other, remaining silent.

"Listen," she said angrily. "You guys are my friends, but you know I can turn on full bitch mode at the drop of a hat. Somebody start talking."

"Ok ok!" Santana burst out. Quinn raised her eyebrows at the girl. She should have known it was Santana. "I started this," she admitted. "And yes, it has to do with you." Quinn narrowed her eyes at Santana. Why was her best friend spreading rumors about her? "Here's the story," Santana started. "Last week I was at the hospital waiting for my dad. I was waiting for him to get off his shift so he could take me to Best Buy and buy me a new computer after I accidentally threw my old one down the stairs." She received strange looks from everyone in the club. "What?" Santana said defensively. "I was just about to get a high score on Angry Birds when the stupid thing decided to freeze." She rolled her eyes, and Quinn sighed impatiently. "Anyway, while I was waiting, I saw something." She looked directly at Quinn, turning more serious. "I saw your baby," Santana said quietly. Quinn's breath caught in her throat. "She was being adopted," Santana continued. "By Ms. Corcoran."

Quinn's eyes widened. She wasn't sure what to say. Was this news supposed to make her happy or sad? And why was everyone keeping it from her?

"I'm sorry," Santana continued. "I didn't know if I should tell you or not."

"So you decided to tell everyone else instead?" Quinn snapped. "Talk about me behind my back?" She glared at the Latina, who looked away from her, ashamed. "I thought you were my best friend," Quinn said quietly. She took a deep breath, and then fled towards the door.

"Quinn," Rachel said sympathetically as the blonde stormed past her.

Santana crossed her arms across her chest and sunk low in her seat, feeling guiltier than ever.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

"I thought I might find you here."

Quinn looked up from her seat on a bench in the hallway to find Rachel Berry standing in front of her.

"Shouldn't you be running rehearsal?" Quinn asked distantly, gazing past Rachel at the trophy case across the hall.

"I wanted to see if you were okay," Rachel replied sincerely. "Besides, they're fine without me."

Quinn managed a small smile as she pictured everyone goofing off the moment Rachel left them. Her expression turned cold, however, at the thought of all of her supposed friends keeping the news of the adoption from her. Maybe they were trying to protect her, but she just couldn't keep this from upsetting her. It felt like earlier in the year, when the news of her pregnancy started to spread. She shuddered at the memory.

Finally, Quinn let her gaze fall upon the tiny brunette standing in front of her, who was oddly enough, one of the few people that tried to stop that news from getting out those months ago. And for the life of Quinn, she couldn't figure out why Rachel even cared.

"What do you want from me?" Quinn said in quiet frustration as Rachel seated herself on the bench.

"I-I don't want anything from you, Quinn," Rachel said, taken aback. "I just want to be your friend." Quinn rolled her eyes. There was that word again. Friend.

"Yeah?" Quinn questioned. "And what exactly does being my friend involve? Whispering about me behind my back?" Quinn folded her arms across her chest and clenched her teeth in anger.

"I didn't know any of that was going on," Rachel admitted. Quinn frowned. "You didn't?" She said after a few moments, raising an eyebrow. Rachel shook her head. Quinn studied the girl's face, and saw that her eyes were beginning to fill with tears. She realized that this news hadn't just been dropped on _her_; it was affecting Rachel too.

"I can't say i'm surprised," Rachel said quietly. "All Shelby wanted was a baby girl. Someone to give all her love to." She took a deep breath before adding, "Looks like she finally got her wish." Quinn sensed the hurt in her voice, and she saw a single tear slide down Rachel's cheek. "Sorry," she said suddenly, wiping the tear from her cheek with the back of her hand. "I shouldn't be making this about me."

Quinn didn't know what to say. Cautiously, she reached out and gently laid her hand on Rachel's arm. Instead of pulling away, Rachel looked up at Quinn's glassy eyes and smiled gratefully.

"She'll be a good mother," Rachel said firmly. "You don't have to worry." There was a confidence in her voice that permeated Quinn's subconscious and gave her some semblance of comfort. But she couldn't shake the uneasiness this news had left her with. What does this mean for the future? What would Puck think?

Quinn took a deep breath. Just as she thought things were beginning to go back to normal, something had to happen to spin everything out of control again. Par for the course, Quinn thought. It was difficult enough to know that her baby girl would be raised by someone else, but she absolutely could not wrap her mind around the idea of Rachel's mom being that someone else. Someone who lived in a nearby town. Someone she might run into at the mall or the county fair. And that was just something she physically could not handle.

"It's just so strange," Quinn admitted, almost to herself. "To know that she's with..." She trailed off.

"My mom," Rachel finished. Quinn looked at her apologetically. "It's okay," Rachel said sincerely. "She's still my mother, whether she wants to be in my life or not."

"Maybe it's not that simple for her," Quinn said, all too knowingly.

"Deep down, I know you're right," Rachel said with a nod, after pondering Quinn's statement. "I guess sometimes when you love someone, you have to let them go." Quinn couldn't keep the tears from rushing to her eyes. "I know you did this because you love her," Rachel said quietly, offering Quinn a look of sympathy. The tears were flowing freely down Quinn's face, and she didn't bother to wipe them away. "And one day, she'll understand that."

They sat in silence as Quinn let Rachel's words sink in. As she gazed through her tears at the girl sitting next to her, she realized that they now had some sort of unspoken bond. Something that connected them, intertwined their lives in a way that was much stronger than their shared affinity for Finn Hudson. Judging by the look on her face, Quinn could tell that Rachel knew that too. And maybe, just maybe, that made it hurt just a little bit less.


	7. Tears and Smiles

**Hi guys, i'm very sorry for the long wait! Life is busy, but I will really try to get the next update in sooner. Enjoy!**

****

"It's just so weird," Puck said, breaking the silence. Quinn had waited until his rehearsal was over, then broke the news about Shelby. Now they sat in his truck in the school parking lot, both unsure of what all of this might mean for the future.

Quinn nodded her agreement, not sure what to say.

"I mean, what do we even know about this lady? Besides the fact that she came to town and kind of messed up Rachel's life." Quinn sensed his anger rising.

"It's not like we have a say," Quinn reminded him. "We gave her up, but it wasn't for us to decide who got her." She thought about what Rachel had said earlier in the hallway. "Rachel actually seems to think she'll be a good mother."

"She does?"

"She's a successful woman; she can give Beth everything she needs," Quinn pointed out. "She messed things up with Rachel, but I think she sees this as a chance to start over. You saw her in the hospital. The look on her face when she laid eyes on that baby..."

"Our baby," Puck said defensively, remembering the odd sense of protection he felt when Shelby had appeared in the nursery.

"She's not ours anymore!" Quinn said more harshly than she meant too. She saw Puck frown, then drop his head. "I'm sorry," Quinn said after a moment, reaching out and covering his hand with her own. He looked up at her face. "I'm on your side," she reminded him. "This is so strange for me too, but i'm just trying to see it in a positive light. I have to, or else I'll drive myself insane."

"I know," Puck said softly, covering her hand with his other one. "She just...she still feels like ours."

Quinn gulped, trying to hold back tears that constantly threatened to escape her eyes. That was the difference between her and Puck. She had to push back every emotion she felt, just to keep from falling apart. But Puck was always so honest and open. She wanted to be that way, but she wasn't strong enough to deal with everything she was feeling. Not now anyway.

Puck looked at her as if he wanted to say something, but didn't speak. "What?" Quinn prompted.

"Maybe Beth getting placed with someone we know is actually a good thing," he said hesitantly. Quinn shook her head, knowing where this was going. "Maybe we'd be able to-"

"No," Quinn said firmly cutting him off, feeling a tear slide down her cheek. "I can't see her."

"Might be kind of cool though if we got to like... be a part of her life," Puck said gently.

"That's really not how it works," Quinn replied.

"But what if we asked Shelby's permission?" Puck prodded. Quinn shook her head again.

"I just can't Puck, I can't do it," Quinn said, letting the tears fall freely now. Shame flooded her because she could tell this was something Puck wanted to explore, but she couldn't see Beth. Seeing her, holding her, it would just make everything a thousand times harder. And she couldn't break. She was Quinn Fabray, she needed to get her life back on track and move on. Forget this ever happened.

"Babe, it's okay," Puck said sweetly, pulling her close to him and wrapping his arms around her.

It was then she realized she was sobbing. He managed to calm her down after a few minutes, and once she stopped shaking he turned her gently so he could look her in the eyes.

"Listen, we don't have to do it," he assured her. "We're not going to do anything you're not comfortable with, okay?" Quinn nodded, wiping at her tear-soaked cheek. Gently he wiped the rest of her tears away with his thumb, then kissed her softly on the forehead.

"Kay," she whispered.

She fell back into his arms for who knows how much longer. At some point she realized her mother would be getting worried, and it was just about that time she heard her cell phone buzzing.

"I have to go," Quinn said reaching for her phone.

"Let me drive you," Puck offered.

"That's okay," Quinn answered. "My car's here, so you'd have to give me a ride to school tomorrow too."

"I can do that too," Puck said with a smile. This brought a small smile out of Quinn.

"I'm okay by myself, honestly," Quinn assured him. She had calmed down considerably, so Puck finally conceded.

"Be safe babe," he said, leaning in to plant a soft kiss on her lips.

"I will," she said, getting out of his truck.

Quinn glanced at her cell phone after getting settled inside her car. As she predicted, her mother had texted asking where she was. She was surprised to find a message from Santana as well.

_Q, can we talk? _

Quinn sighed. She knew she had probably been too hard on Santana, but she was still too frustrated with her to listen to her apologize.

The drive home seemed all too short as she tried to collect herself so her mom and sister wouldn't see her upset. Chances are they wouldn't really notice, but she didn't feel like talking to either of them about her problems. Or about her life, really. She felt a pang in her chest as she recalled her sister's harsh words to her the other night. Heaving a sigh, she tried to push away the longing for a loving sister who would be there to give her advice, or to hold her while she cried. She had accepted the fact that she would never have that with Jane, but seeing her again made things more difficult.

Arriving home, she entered through the garage door as quietly as she could. But her mom and sister were both standing in the kitchen.

"Quinn, where have you been?" Judy asked, a slight air of annoyance in her voice. "School's been out for over three hours."

"Sorry," Quinn said simply.

"Lose track of time in the back seat of mohawk boy's car?" Jane spat out. A satisfied grin spread across her face as she noticed Quinn's anger rising.

_Actually I was in the front seat, bitch, _Quinn wanted to say_. We were talking through something because he actually cares about me. Unlike you, who seems to exist only to tear me down. _But she held her tongue and instead turned and walked away.

"You have a visitor waiting in your room!" Judy called out as Quinn pounded up the stairs.

Quinn heaved a sigh, knowing who was awaiting her in her bedroom. And frankly she just didn't feel like talking.

"Hi Santana," Quinn said knowingly, entering through the door to her room. Her eyes fell on the Latina in her usual bright red Cheerios uniform. She appeared to be quite comfortable, laying across Quinn's bed on her stomach and flipping through Quinn's latest issue of _Seventeen_. Santana greeted her, tossing the magazine aside.

"I was hoping we could talk about what happened in Glee practice today," she said, sitting up on the bed.

"I don't really feel like talking," Quinn said wearily, brushing her off and heading towards the doorway that lead to her adjoining bathroom.

"Look, I know i'm kind of a bitch sometimes," Santana said with a shrug. Turning back to face her friend, Quinn raised her right eyebrow in objection. "Okay, I'm a bitch," the Latina corrected, rolling her eyes. "But I didn't mean to hurt you." Quinn noticed Santana's eyes glisten slightly, and she knew her words were sincere. "I didn't know what to do, I didn't know if telling you was the right thing."

"You should have told me," Quinn said quietly.

"I'm sorry I didn't. I swear I was only trying to protect you."

"I know," Quinn said after a long pause. She heaved a sigh. "I believe you when you say you weren't trying to hurt me." She plopped down on the edge of the bed next to Santana. "Truth is, I would have been upset no matter what."

"Must be weird," Santana said, furrowing her brow.

"You have no idea," Quinn admitted.

"Do you think you'll ever get to see her?" Santana asked cautiously.

"I don't know," Quinn said in quite frustration. She let her body fall backwards onto her bed and folded her hands across her abdomen out of habit. But the flatness where her baby once was made her feel cold and empty, so she let her hands fall to her sides.

"Well do you want to?" Santana asked, laying back next to Quinn.

"Puck wants to," Quinn admitted after a long pause.

"But what about you?"

Quinn bit her lower lip, thinking back to her conversation with Puck. "No," she said quietly. "I can't." She was surprised at her ability to keep the tears back this time.

Santana didn't speak, didn't push the issue, and Quinn was grateful. After a moment, she felt the Latina's hand slide into her own and squeeze tight.

"You're gonna be okay," Santana assured her, turning her head to face her. "You're Quinn Fabray," she said simply. This brought a small smile out of Quinn. She appreciated Santana's reassurance, even if she didn't quite believe her.

"Next year things will be better," Santana continued. "You'll be back on the cheerios, ruling the school again. But you'll have to fight me for it." They both chuckled.

"No playing dirty," Quinn warned.

"I would never!" Santana said with feigned disbelief.

Quinn sighed, the first content sigh she'd had in a while. Being with Santana made her feel like her old self again. Just Quinn Fabray, the cheerleader. But there was always that nagging feeling of doubt, like things would never be the same. As much as she tried to deny it, she would forever be Quinn Fabray, the mother.

"You excited for the last day of school tomorrow?" Santana asked, rousing her from her thoughts. "Not that I would broadcast this, but I'm really looking forward to singing that song for Mr. Shue."

Quinn couldn't wait to have a break from school. It had been the toughest year of her life, and she needed some time to herself to focus on putting it behind her. She had to forget and move on. It was the only way she knew how to survive.

Quinn nodded her agreement. "Definitely."


End file.
